Being Zen; a time and place?

I was thinking about the concept of ‘being Zen’ over the last few days…the thought tossed around in my head after I read a bit of gossip about Jennifer Aniston. The article said that Jennifer used to be very ‘Zen’ about things and she just let things happen as they come, but since meeting her new love, Justin Theroux, she has become a go getter and started fiercely going after what she wants.

It made me think about the concept of ‘being Zen’…can we ‘be Zen’ all the time? Can we always just let whatever happens happen, and when it does, will it be what he had hoped and wished for? Does the decision to take a step back, and give in to the Universe automatically guarantee we will patiently receive our heart’s desire?

I was also thinking about this concept when I was surfing today. Can I ‘be Zen’ about surfing? I know surfing definitely makes me relaxed, chilled out, complete and happy, but can I ‘be Zen’ in my approach to surfing? Can I just paddle out to a spot, sit on my board and expect an awesome wave to take me on its crest? Yes, I admit a few times, when engrossed in conversation, I have found myself swept away and taken for a ride by some pretty amazing waves, but I guess I worked hard to get there. My surf instructor said that “paddling takes away 100% of your energy”, so even before you are gloriously riding a wave, you are pretty much going all out, paddling in desperation to get to the back. I think had it not been for my fierce, dedicated and at times exhausting paddling, many a time I would have not been able to do the visible part of surfing, known as riding waves.

There are often times all you are doing is paddling, not quite assured if you will get a ride back to shore. But you put the work in, you paddle hard. Sometimes the fruits of your labour occur after an exhausting 30 minutes of paddling and an awesome chance swell, or better yet, chasing down an amazing wave which is breaking some 10 metres from you.

So yes, surf is not all Zen, but a fierce and exciting challenge. If you take away the ‘fierce’ and just replace with Zen, you get a person stuck in a rip, occasionally riding 2 seconds on a wave that docks on the sand.

Similarly, just because you want to accept things as they come in life, does not mean it takes away your responsibility to go after things, when that is what needs to be down. Fierce and Zen can occupy the same room, and it is in fact often the feeling of fierceness that gives us the feeling of Zen. Working hard for something, going against the swell of life and ultimately succeeding, that is what gives inner peace and contentment. There is a time to fight, and a time to rest. There is a time to push on through with little encouragement, and there is a time to surrender and refocus. There is a time to paddle harder, and a time to move on to another spot.

You just have to know when the time is right. Timing is everything. We can never truly be Zen or fierce, we have to always balance back and forth. And timing is everything.

So for me, the only way of life is to live from one extreme to another, and among that find your own, unique, happy balance.

Written by SoulSurfer © 29 October 2011 at 6.56pm

Steve Jobs – following his Personal Legend

I have never been one to admire the rich and powerful; although their success is undeniable, I question the means and motives for it. Where money is concerned, the motives are clear and the means well, always highly contentious and questionable.

The passing of Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, made me appreciate the great loss of a man who followed his passion and Personal Legend. It takes only a Google search of ‘Steve Jobs quotes’, to see that Steve’s passion for innovation and ingenuity permeated through his mind, body and soul. I had no idea how much.

Firstly, let me explain Paulo Coelho’s concept of the ‘Personal Legend’. It first appeared in his international bestseller “The Alchemist”. Paulo describes it as:

“It’s [your Personal Legend] what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives…..”

After reading some of Jobs’ many quotes, it dawned on me that this incredible man lived out his Personal Legend every day. Some have described his enthusiasm and tireless energy for life as Zen-like, and I do agree. Below I present some of Steve’s quotes on life, which I believe exactly personify the image of living out the Personal Legend which Coelho portrayed in his prose:

His faith…

"You have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something -- your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever," he said. "This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

His perseverance…

"I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over. I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me," he said.

His reflections on setbacks…

“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith."

His life credo…

"You've got to find what you love," he said. "That is as true for your work as it is for your lovers."
On the search of what you love…

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking."

On everyday happiness and fulfillment…

"For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

On his motivation…

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

One man. One Personal Legend fulfilled. I hope this can motivate and encourage everyone to live out their own Personal Legends. We all have a unique one, and the choice is truly ours to pursue it or let it pass.
Copyright © SoulSurfer 8 October 2011 at 9.29pm

Live for the journey, not the destination

“I love nothing more, nothing gets me more passionate than tracking a swell and flying after it” – Kelly Slater

After 10 full months of surfing, after the many kilometers travelled, the many times squeezing into wetsuits, waxing boards, repairing dings, getting thrashed in every possible way by the rips and currents, I have come to appreciate how much the journey of surfing means to me.

As any amateur surfer you start off admiring all the barrels and flips of the pro surfers, eagerly devouring every surfing video in sheer awe and amazement. The will to be ‘that good’ is strong, but is the dedication always there?
I made it my goal to just keep surfing. No matter what happened, what I had to do, just keep surfing. There were days I either didn’t catch any waves, or when I couldn’t get past the waves due to the pure force of the swell pushing me outwards. But my goal was always one: keep surfing. No matter who I was to be, what kind of surfer I was to become, I would always keep surfing.

Of course, I always hoped and prayed that all my efforts would expand and propel me further than just paddling around. I still remember the weekend of April 4 2011, when I stumbled on some beautiful waves. Every keen surfer was out far into the surf, and there was a wave to be caught at ever interval. It was one big sweep after another, that you either floated through or it caught you and took you for a very long ride. I remember being out very very far from shore, a mixture of anxiety and excitement, waiting for this big swell to pick me up and sweep me onto my feet. I remember the wave passing through so many people, but it picked me up and before I knew it I was up on my board riding the wave towards shore for what seemed a blissful eternity!

One of the best memories of surfing as yet.

Of course then you have blah days when nothing special picks you up and there is no real swell to speak for. But I love every moment. Someone once said that life is made up of moments, and every one moment surfing has been Zen-like for me. I can credit surfing for making me like peaceful, serene, for giving me strength and conviction. And grace. There is nothing more graceful than to ride a wave to shore. To fight the tide, the wind, the wave mechanics, your own bodily limitations and just sail to shore.

Learning a new trick or achieving a new level in surfing is wonderful and makes the journey worthwhile, but it is in those small moments that you can truly appreciate how far you have come to achieve what you have achieved. Every wipeout, every bruise, every cut, every surfboard knock. But you never stop surfing. You pursue it more. Because, each time, you hope to move closer to the destination and cherish more each moment that drove you there.

Copyright SoulSurfer © 4 October 2011 at 6.44pm

You own the moment...

The amazing thing about surfing, is that you only have the wave…

You own the moment…

You master the present time…

In a few seconds, you have all that is going for you everything and all that is going against you; you sum together your mind, body and soul to seize the opportunity that you behold. You accept you are the master of the wave and a slave to its power and force.  

It doesn’t get much closer to this in real life!

Kelly Slater on owning the moment:

“I think the real Zen of surfing for me, it’s just an in the moment thing completely, as the wave presents itself, you deal with what’s possible, and what is asked of you to do…you find that line, you find the timing…when you do a flip at one section, it just sets you up for the next section perfectly.

There is a connection between people and the environment…that when its done the right way, when you someone link things together on a wave the right way, its like that thing already existed, that’s exactly what was supposed to happen”

Courtesy of “Kelly Slater: Mind Body Surf: Mind Episode” by Quiksilver

Copyright © SoulSurfer 21 September 2011 at 8.42pm

Things I have learned about life through surfing…

Fascination – the more time you spend with the ocean, the more you notice things you never saw from the shore. It’s our fascination with life and its many surprises that drives away fear and replaces it with pure passion. Are there sharks that close to the shore? How does the board turn? How do you barrel? The exhilaration of life and truly living leads us to go out and experience. Sometimes it’s just the questions that are complicated and the answers simple. Life, like the waves, is full of surprises.

Perseverance – sometimes there are no waves and nothing to surf, sometimes there are too many to catch! Life is about moving elsewhere to find a better swell, or sometimes just taking random opportunities as they come. Nevertheless we don’t stop surfing; we don’t stop living.

Respect – such a misunderstood word, and no, its “not in-you-face” ghetto type of respect. Respect for the ocean and Mother Nature should be a core value each passionate surfer holds. You need to deeply treasure and admire the force of nature which enables you to practise your passion with grace and flair. Also, holding respect for the fact you are co-existing in an aquatic habitat full of precious life forms is paramount. Similarly in life, we need to respect the environment and people around us. If you give respect, in a true and deep manner, then receiving respect is reciprocal. Life is a journey and we need to respect the time and space we are present in, in order to move forward with our destinies.

Commitment – it’s all too easy believe you are a pro surfer after your first lesson, in which the instructor prompts you when to paddle and stand up. Surfing like life, takes commitment. A commitment to experiencing it for better and for worse; during big swells and not so big swells. But we surfers, soldier on, believing we are a part of something greater, something wonderful; and experiencing this when we meet our match on a wave.

Love – If you commit to and persevere through all the seaweed, tides, swells, rips and random fin sightings, you will arrive at only one conclusion; “I’m in love with surfing.” Yes love, like with all great things, fits nicely with surfing. But to encounter a deeper sense of all-encompassing love and appreciation for the environment, world, universe and Spirit…this only comes through the experience and practise of surfing. Love is usually found in the most profound things, and surfing (even in shallow tides) is deep. Ocean deep.

Love is the experience we all want to partake in and feeling one with a powerful force and harnessing it to create greater good; that is love in its purest form.

 Copyright © SoulSurfer 15 September 2011 @ 11.11pm

The Real Me: trusting mistakes

Sitting on a plane and sifting through my entertainment choices, I got excited when they had an episode of Sex and the City. When it comes to SATC, I will watch any given episode, because within it lies a wealth of everyday knowledge that fares beyond the sexual realm…

This episode was called “The Real Me”. Carrie is invited to walk the runway for a fashion show. Despite everyone telling her she is ‘fabulous’ and will do well, she doesn’t feel it and laments “I’m not a model, I’m a real person”. She ends up taking a big stack on the runway…

All while I was watching, I was thinking about two concepts; having trust and making mistakes. And then this episode was like a lightening bolt which sealed the deal and really drove home the impact that these two things ultimately have on being yourself. Let me explain…

For a long time, I was afraid to make mistakes. Yes mistakes happened on their own, but I didn’t actively seek out challenges and opportunities (and with them the potential for more mistakes) because I was scared. Scared of failing. Scared of how a mistake would expose a part of the Real Me, which I wasn’t comfortable with. I was scared of my own flaws, and even more so, showing them to the world.

So on Saturday, I had a really great friend fire at me something that hit the heart of my failure-avoiding ways: “Feed your faith and not your fear”.

I was anticipating the failures and successes of any opportunities I undertook or were thrown my way, but I didn’t have trust and faith to just see them as experience. I let the positive and negative define and box me in, and so I was in my comfort zone of taking calculated risks with predictable results.

So after this conversation, I firmly decided on one thing: this trip will be one in which I am willing to step out of my comfort zone and potentially make a fool of myself, because somehow I believe it will strengthen me. I realise all this time, I was afraid of making mistakes. NOT making a mistake and not doing anything actually hurts you 10x more then making a mistake and looking stupid. It’s like my skating on Sunday. I fell over and it looked horrible (the kind you think “Oh that can’t be good…”), but when I got up I was OK. Barely a scratch.

Sometimes we look at our failures and see them worse than they are. Sometimes we just have to do stupid things and realise they aren’t so bad. And if we are willing to look hard enough we will see that they make us stronger. Because they allow us to see ourselves, flaws and all, and appreciate that we are the sum of the good and the bad of it all.

…So after having flashing cameras and an entire fashion-worshipping audience capture her epic fashion faux-pas, Carrie then gets back up and says “In the real world, when real people fall down, they get straight back up and keep walking”. She then proceeds to stand up finish her walk and do a hi-five with Heidi Klum.

Hell yes, real people just keep walking! I think both experience and trust in life’s lessons exposes us to our strengths and flaws, so that it can guide us to the Real person inside. And knowing the Real You is the greatest strength you can possess.

SoulSurfer © 16 August 2011 at 5.17pm

DO WHAT YOU LOVE

It seems the eye of the storm is the perfect place to ponder life. And Sunday afternoon in Manly proved to be the perfect place to be awed by Mother Nature’s beauty and splendour.

Picture this: about two dozen surfers scattered across the choppy and grey-hued sea, desperately competing against each other to catch the remnants of a decent days’ surf. It was about 5.30pm, when Mark and I stopped in our tracks and looked above. What happened over the course of the next 15 minutes was breathtaking.

The surfers continued to paddle towards the kamikaze waves, but our focus had shifted to the sky above. These pictures are simply beautiful. A grey sky melting into yellow across the skyline, finally being lit up with a magnificent red glow from the west. In one place rain began to fall and develop, but on the sunny side the sun struggled back into the spotlight to reveal a beautiful, full-arched, luminuous rainbow, which then cast its Technicolour shadow on the droopy and heavy clouds. The effect was a rainbow glow of light scattered across the clouds.

The photos below.

So Mark and I stopped on one conclusion: focus on doing what you love, and aim to improve yourself in what you love everyday. You only have one life, and the skills, passions and talents you have received in this life to enjoy and experience are unique to YOU only. Aim to be better than yourself everyday. Spend more time giving time to your passions and hobbies. Like Kelly Slater, aim for perfection in your craft over accolades and recognition. Be the best you can be in what you love.

 Life opens up doorways to those who are truly in sync with their life’s purpose. When you dedicate yourself to your passion, your cup is full and overflows; you learn to give to others willingly and selflessly. You cannot give if you are not self-full first.

 The first step lies in giving into your passion. Life is really what you make of it, and if you are in line with your purpose, JUST THINK of what lies ahead for you!

If you are not in line with your purpose, you are not contributing conscientiously to this world. And if you are not contributing conscientiously to this world, you are wasting your time here.

Let us go, and DO WHAT WE LOVE!

Copyright © SoulSurfer 9 August 2011 at 8.43pm

Chasing passion…seek your own swell

The Billabong Pro J-Bay 2011 just came to an end in Jeffrey’s Bay, South Africa on Sunday. To say the least, the surf was pitiful. Not the most captivating waves for pro surfers to showcase their prowess on. Nevertheless, there were some decent swells, and homegrown surfer Jordy Smith took out the title. Once again, we realise Mother Nature is the driving force behind the beauty (and at times savageness) of the sport.

But one very prominent figure was decidedly absent from the competition; Kelly Slater. The favorite for the 2011 title, was chasing his own thrills on the amazing swells exploding onto the shores of Tavi, Fiji. Just for fun really…

It made me think about chasing our passions in life. Would you ever leave at lunchtime from work if you knew any epic swell was about to sweep your nearest beach? What about going overseas to see your favorite band, whom you never seen live? Or taking a break from your rigid schedule to do something you really want to do with your time?

Just like Kelly, we really need to chase passion more often in our lives. If you have something that really captures your intrigue, something you love doing, something that fills your life with purpose, you need to be catching that wave. And you need to be doing it as much as possible. Life is too short to be stuck in the lowly swells of J-Bay, when you could be screaming “Yeehaaa!!” from the bow of a massive one in Tavi.

We feel too obligated in life to do the “should” “could” “would”, but need to do more of the “I want” and “I need”. Our dreams and passions are never really gone; they just slowly die inside of us, until we feel unmotivated to do anything; the compulsory or the voluntary.

Instead we need to keep the flame of passion and purpose burning. Even the busiest people find time to do what they love (hey, even a world champion), and in turn fulfilling their purpose drives them to continue onwards. Once you step into your passion, life becomes easier because the engine of success and happiness is churning along effortlessly. Passions also highlight your strengths and give you confidence to succeed in all areas of life.

So really, do you have an hour a day to INVEST in yourself? Do you have the mental space to tune out and connect with your purpose? Can you honour and reward yourself enough to just do what you love?

If you don’t, no one else will kindly do it for you.

Invest in YOU.

Seek your own swell...


Copyright SoulSurfer © 27 July 2011 at 9.09pm

This is the day to rule over addiction!

Addiction is an incredibly complex problem...yet there is a simple thing that an addicted person can do to lesson their load...just talk to someone. Share your pain with someone who cares. You may think no one cares, but there are people who are literally dying of grief worrying about the negative spiral you are getting into. Just talk. Life is not meant to be a solo fight, we need other people to help us out. It is not "weak" or "less manly" to share your feelings and thoughts, your greifs and problems. If it improves your life, it is definitely worth it. So just start a conversation. 


Live toward your purpose, not away from it. The world awaits YOU!!!


For more information, visit: http://softenthefckup.com.au/ 

FEMspiration: Heidi Klum: the German Powerhouse

Modeling is a very fickle business; the array of fresh-faced, leggy and skinny new talent to hit the catwalks comes and goes as quickly as the designer collections. Although models over the last 15 years have ventured away from being mere faces of fashion to mini entrepreneurs, it takes a lot to evolve past glorified coat hanger to glorified ‘It girl’. You have to have a lot of muscle, a lot of attitude; an approachability and down to earth nature with which you entice your many female and especially male followers. All this happy-go-lucky pizzazz on a low-carb diet…

Heidi Klum Samuel embodies all the qualities of quite literally a modeling powerhouse. Google her name and it is associated with anything from video games and TV shows, to footwear, jewellery and even candies and roses with her namesake. In a world where the model represents the brand, Heidi Klum has become a brand in her own right, with modeling it being second nature.

Heidi Klum, who came from a small town outside of Cologne, Germany, was persuaded to enter a modeling contest in 1992 by a friend, and out of 25,000 participants was crowned the winner. From then on, she accepted a modeling contract with Metropolitan Models New York, and has appeared in countless fashion shows and magazine covers, including Vogue, Elle and Marie Claire. However, her biggest claim to fame was appearing on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, from which she quickly attained the pinnacle of modeling superstardom, becoming a Victoria’s Secret Angel. Klum ended her 12 year long tenure with the Angels in 2010, during which she bounced back from three (!) pregnancies (usually in the space of a few weeks), to appear in super skimpy lingerie. In 2005, six weeks after giving birth to her second child Henry, Heidi modeled the $2 million dollar diamond encrusted Wonderbra, rocking an incredibly toned and tight midriff. Klum’s upbeat attitude, resilience and energy are palatable; she makes it her business to tackle the tricky world of fashion head on.

And it is exactly this attitude which has seen her grow and outgrow the fashion world and venture in to almost every avenue of business and merchandising. She has gone from curvaceous model to bona fide businesswoman with such ease and confidence (as well as four children in tow), you can’t help but feel there are not enough hours in the day for Heidi Klum. To name just a few of her accolades, she has been a spokesperson for H & M, & McDonald’s, appeared in several TV Shows such as Sex & The City, How I Met Your Mother and Spin City, appeared in commercials for Guitar Hero World Tour and Volkswagen, web-based videos entitled SPIKED HEEL battling evil forces planning to ruin Fashion Week. She is the face of countless brands such as European cosmetics brand Astor, shoe giant Birkenstock and New Balance, countless cosmetics lines for Victoria’s Secret and she has designed a line for Mouawad’s jewellery.

If that’s not enough to make you feel your multi-tasking skills are lagging behind, she has being the host, judge and executive producer of the super successful Project Runway since 2004 as well as Germany’s Next Top Model, also recently producing a new reality TV show with husband Seal called Love’s Divine, in which they offer love advice to couples.

The best part? Heidi Klum has four children! She has three children, Henry, Johan and Lou with husband Seal Samuel, her eldest daughter Leni being the biological child of Formula 1 boss Flavio Briatore. Klum and Samuel married in May 2005, while Heidi was pregnant with Leni, but states emphatically that “Seal is Leni’s father”. Each one of her pregnancies sees her bounce back, fitter, stronger and healthier than before. She has recently been a spokesperson and active participant of the AOL Summer Run challenge, uploading daily updates of her progress and comments on Facebook.

Heidi’s charm lies in her approachability and engagement with the public; she has so much enthusiasm, energy and humour and truly enjoys every project she does. She approaches it all with determination and sound business skills, and also her signature cheekiness. She’s the best friend you wish you had in the workplace.

And it seems life after Victoria’s Secret and four kids is not slowing Heidi down. She appears in the new movie Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs Evil and is gearing for Project Runway’s 7^th season. Heidi leaves no stone unturned and she does it with what seems to be an ever present smile on her face. When you have an adoring husband, four kids, a rocking body the world at your feet, what’s not to smile about?

Heidi Klum Samuel is the entrepreneurial powerhouse of the modeling world, paving the wave for models alike.

Just do it...

So for me its 30 days until I leave Australia for my holiday which is anticipated to be named “Insane in Spain”… I am safely in a space where I feel that any consequences of my actions over the next 30 days, can be written off as “gone holidaying”…meaning I won’t have to deal with them, (or maybe I won’t care or remember them), until I come back. So basically I am living on the edge over the next month or so, knowing I can jump on a plane and leave it all behind for 3 weeks…I think there is a Dupree (from the movie “You, Me  & Dupree”) in all of us…

But I had a slightly weird thought…what if this was the last 30 days of my life…? What would I do? What ‘insane’ things would I attempt if ‘this was it’?

I think a lot of time, we countdown to holidays, events and parties, thinking that is the time we will go all out, be confident, have fun, do unbelievable things, experience amazing experiences…so what about the rest of the time? Do we live in mediocrity, putting all our anticipation into that one event? Then again, how often do highly-anticipated events or holidays turn out to be less than stellar and heart-racing?

Are our lives like a heart rate monitor; stable most of the time with a few high voltage blips here and there?

I believe everyone is given a unique life, which NEEDS to filled to the brim with things that are centrally important, and that inspire, motivate and cultivate your inner YOU. The only way to define from within, and really feel you have a presence in this lifetime, is to take control of what it is you want to do, who you want to be, what you want to experience, and take steady steps to fulfill these goals.

And not just once in a while, you need to get that heart pumping regularly. Whether it’s booking a last minute extreme sport activity, or going out of your comfort zone to try some exotic cuisine, we all need to start just doing, and reap the rewards of experience.

Don’t be the person who waits until they’re 30, until after uni, until after you have a stable job, to go on an African safari. Don’t put off taking surfing lessons for when it gets warmer. Don’t wait too long to ask out someone who you’re taken an interest in.

While the regret and embarrassment of doing something stupid may last a while, the regret of NOT DOING something usually lasts much longer. And it will keep gnawing at you, until you do something about it.

So if you feel there is something you want to do, just do it! Go for it, with your heart and soul…it may be good, it may be bad, but it’s experience. And we definitely are not experiencing enough of this beautiful life we are given! So just do it! Unleash you’re inner Dupree!

SoulSurfer Copyright © 17 July at 9.08pm

Be open, but do things when the time is right for you…

I was speaking to my friend on the weekend, when she said something that really struck me and has reverberated the whole weekend. Well it was two separate things, that when combined, have just produced this amazing revelation within myself.

This friend has the amazing ability to tell me exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. It may not even seem like a direct response to my question, but it is what needs to be said at the time.

So the first thing she told me to do was to “Be more open…”. Now there are many definitions of open, from accepting heavily tattooed people, to embracing different religions, to trying unusual cuisine to just thinking outside the box. But the “open” my friend was talking about, was having an open heart. Not just regarding the opposite sex, but to others in general. Anyone who knows me will know I accept with openness all the things mentioned above, in fact I thrive on being “open” to them. But she made me question “am I really open to others”? In her definition, being open to others is just letting people enter your life, and responding to them in a way that is congruent with who you are. Not pretending to be anyone else, not putting up barriers, not playing games. Just embracing the experience of interacting with another person, but not letting the experience define you.

I think we live in a world where we care too much about what insignificant people in our lives think about us. ‘Insignificant’ here meaning, people who by no means are close to us, or truly know who we are, but who are a part of our daily lives. It may be a superior whom you have to deal with on a day-to-day basis, a neighbour who gives you disapproving looks when you take out the garbage in your pajamas, or an occasional friend who puts you down in indirect ways. We by no means like these people, and yet we care about what they think…

Being “open” is first embracing who you are and then telling the world “this is who I am; take it or leave it”. When you have the openness to express that attitude, without aggression or arrogance, you begin to attract the very people who can respect who you are and your boundaries. You forget about trying to impress others, and start to impress yourself with your newfound confidence. It becomes a very positive snowball effect from there on out…

The second thing she said was “Be more open…but don’t do things against yourself”. Imagine having 20 seconds to prepare a speech and having this gut feeling that you just can’t wing it. It ends up coming out wonky and lacks energy or confidence.

As much as we sometimes want to do something, and we psyche ourselves up, sometimes that inner drive is just missing. I realised this over the weekend, when everyone was spurring me into action, yet all I felt apt to do was retreat. I had been thinking and analyzing things too much, to the point where I felt dizzy and confused and unable to physically do anything. I was on the brink of “just going for it”, but decided against, as I really wanted to put my whole heart into it. It was the right decision, as I immediately felt relieved, and felt I could think clearly without all the clutter.

I think these two concepts really work together. You can only be open to others and open to opportunities, when you are not forcing yourself into a specific direction. When you take out the ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’, take a step back and first reconnect with yourself. I think each individual is their own best compass, and it is better to get behind something wholeheartedly and with enthusiasm when the time is right, rather than to just wing it and hope for the best. You are the own potter of your life, and you will produce your best art when you are inspired to do so.

Where passion goes, dreams follow.

Written by: Copyright © SoulSurfer 11^th July 2011 at 7.28pm

Friendship, the gift that keeps giving…

I felt really inspired after a conversation today to write about the sheer power of…friendship.

Seriously, you don’t have to watch Sex and the City to realise that the power of friendship really transcends all manner of life’s troubles, ups and downs, events, successes and failures. Though the high profile series does emphasize sex and relationships, you can’t miss the fact that underlying all of it, there is a bond between four friends that moulds their lives together.

And today, after speaking for only half an hour with my best friend over Skype (after 40 minutes of every connection and technological difficulty known to man!), I was once again so buzzed up and psyched, that I can safely say I won’t be sleeping tonight.

For me, having a great relationship with another soul, on that level that you can speak freely about everything you want, share all your troubles and happiness, share trivial and stupid, serious and painful things, to me that is the greatest interpersonal achievement in life. Of course, it may take a whole lifetime to realise what friends are, who those true, stay by your side, through thick and thin people are, but it is always worth it. Just as people are willing to do many great things in leaps and bounds for love, I think the same applies to friendship.

And many people say that friendship between a man and a woman cannot exist, without one party feeling romantic feelings for the other. I am happy to say I have had many purely platonic friendships, in great part thanks to the fact that I work with men on a daily basis. There is so much to learn and glean from the male perspective, and men are willing to share their side of the story, troubles and successes, with a woman who can just listen…

…Just listen. Sometimes I think that’s what a friendship is all about. It’s great to have a friend who can give us a pep talk when we need it, but I think a human being’s greatest psychological need is just to be heard sometimes. To just have someone listen to our lives, no matter how banal or chaotic they may seem. Sometimes it’s enough to give someone your time and your ear, and to show them that “I want to share your life story”.

The best thing is that friendship really has no boundaries. It crosses race, age, status, religion, physical characteristics. Relationships sometimes fail to take off due to prejudice regarding these factors. But friendship is a gift that can be offered freely, because in the beginning people usually don’t think much of the encounters that lead to friendship. A chat with your local barista, sharing your seat with someone on the same route to work, seeing the same dude surfing at the spot every week… These incidents seem like one-offs, until we are willing to make the connection and just engage with the other person.

It’s impossible to explain fully how paramount friendship is. Friendship I would say is the glue that holds life together. You cannot choose your family, and many times your family take you for granted because they expect a good connection with you by right of blood. Not always so. The same way an unattended friendship can wither and die, the same way a lack of respect and feeling of friendship within family, can lead to resentment and entitlement.

So friends are the family we choose, and hopefully keep for life. I know I definitely cherish them above all else; they are the light to my flame!

Copyright © 1 July 2011 at 8.08pm SoulSurfer

Always act like you're wearing an invisible crown...

Today I realised it’s not fair to always feel inferior to your dreams. To be focused on what you don’t have as areas for improvement toward attaining “the dream”.

I let myself run into the “I cant’s” of life. I can’t do this. I don’t have that. I’m not this. I don’t know that. Gosh, do I really have to overlook all that I DO HAVE?

Instead of working from a position of power, working with what I do have, I always seem to be working for the things I don’t have. It’s like a rat in an exercise wheel – always running after something, never being happy to just stop. There is a saying “work smarter, not harder”. I seem to take immense thrill in working hard. But sometimes the wariness of working hard can detract you from your goal. Sometimes it can make you lose sight of what it is you are good at. Sometimes you forget to stop and smell the roses along the way.

The problem with success is that we struggle all too much to attain the pinnacles it defines: the first huge paycheck, the new clothes, the first shiny car, the first impulsive purchase without a look at the price tag. But somewhere along the way we forget to stop in the mirror and say “Hey, I am doing pretty well” and rack up the self-confidence points. It seems sometimes the only time I am happy is when I am on the long and winding path to an (obscure) goal. I feel like I am working toward something – key word being ‘something’. It’s like the rat race defines my way of life. As if being inferior to the goal, feeling you have to “work your way up” to attain confidence and success is the only way to be happy, to feel useful and fulfilled in society.

But can I just be happy in the meantime? Can I be proud that I pitched a good idea to my boss? Can I be happy I scored a meeting with an event manager? Can I be happy that I finally got the $49.11 off the client who hadn’t paid in three months?

What about all the small skills you learn along the way? Learning to format a report properly, learning to fix a jam in the fax, learning to change the towel dispenser in the bathroom? These are all skills. Why does my success have to be defined by a mountain, when it should be defined by several hills? And in today’s world, where experience is essential, isn’t it better to know a bit of everything from these small successes?

I know there will come a time when my life narrows down to one thing, one avenue of work, but then I think I’m sure to get bored quicker. I realise now that really you cannot be happy, or attain happiness, if you are not enjoying the road that is taking you there. More importantly, if you are so blindsided by the goal, that you ignore the journey, there will no doubt come a time when you may have to revisit the path, only to find you have no idea where you are.

My point is simple; live in the here and now. Praise your effort now. Be confident in what you know now, and pay importance to the can-do’s and am-able-to’s in your current life. Your success should only be defined by your own vision, not someone else’s, but even then; your success should be as simple as self-praise for living the past day as well as possible.

So always act like you are wearing an invisible crown, that way you are always the king or queen of your success. 

Copyright © 21^st June 2011 at 7.54pm by SoulSurfer

HOW SERIOUS ARE WE ABOUT OUR DREAMS?

 

A very powerful question asks “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”

As I ponder this question in all of its magnitude and opportunity, I immediately am hit with another more reality-based question: “How serious are we about our dreams?”

It seems the word ‘dream’ in today’s world has been replaced with less trivial terms such as goal, ambition, aspiration. But really, as we grow up do we lose sight of our dreams? Are dreams only confined to the realm of children and the young at heart (or slightly kooky)?

Paulo Coelho in his book “The Pilgrimage” describes unfulfilled dreams as ones that initially bring peace from the combativeness of life, but ones which eventually rot within us and infect our whole being. Dreams ignored leave a life unfulfilled.

In order to fulfill our dreams, we must reconnect with them and define them. To some it is an easy task; the dreams have been there, simply repressed by the monotony of life. For others a journey of self-awakening must occur; arousing our strengths and articulating them into solid concepts.

But even after this period of revelation and epiphany, many people go back to the daily chores of life and make no commitment to their dreams. It’s amazing how the most important and potentially life-changing ideas of a person’s life, fall prey to the banal existence they have become accustomed to. We know there is more in life, we know there is a life more exciting and fulfilled, but we lack the strength, conviction and commitment to see our own dreams through. Our own dreams…

Maybe it is because ‘dreams’ are overrated. Maybe they seem like a Disney movie. Maybe they are harder to define and then propel into action than a company project. But they are our projects, our life’s project, and the only people who live with the reality of our unfulfilled dreams are we ourselves.

It’s time to get serious about our dreams. It’s time to commit to making them a reality. It’s time to invest time, money, ideas and resources into the best commodity; your own life. It’s time to grow and believe and become a better person, step by step, dream by dream.

It’s time to be the person who lost 50 pounds on the infomercial.

It’s time to be the next person to climb Mount Everest.

It’s time to leave the job you hate, because there is something more productive and fulfilling you could be doing with your time.

It’s time to be serious about your life and dreams, because you only have one and no one else will live it for you.

Copyright © 13 June 2011 at 9.13pm SoulSurfer

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